Basketball as Holy Ground

Back in October I wrote a post on a day in my life when football was sacred. Today it's about basketball. 

For the past three months basketball has been sacred ground for me. And true confession (from an overly enthusiastic sports fanatic...yes, I listen to sports talk radio in the car and watched ESPN during those middle of the night feedings 17 years ago), I really haven't ever been a fan of basketball. 

But that all changed on December 10 at Skyview Academy, in their gym, when the Jim Elliot Warriors took to the court and number 21 was among them. 

There is more to this story than I can ever publicly share or adequately write. But I'm a big believer in commemorating certain events with massebah, "standing stones." This is one.

Watching number 21 pick up that ball in November for the first time to earlier this month when he stole the ball and dribbled/drove down the court with the other team on his heels. I loved every moment and was the crazy mom screaming from the bleachers. I earned that from the moment I gave birth to this 1 lb.15 ounce wonder to that magical day. Pure grace.

He's overcome more than probably any of those kids on the team. He's fierce and determined and committed and that's how he got to this day. He chose not to give up. Not at 1 or 5 or 10 or 17.

He is a true Warrior.

Football as Holy Ground

This weekend I will be rooting for two teams. The Broncos, of course. But also the Kansas City Chiefs. They are a team that has struggled to get back on their proverbial feet. And wow have they. It will be but for one weekend. Only this weekend.

It's holy ground. Arrowhead Stadium. It's all about friendship and commitment and recovery. It's about celebrating a future and a hope.

Seven years ago, Todd did what I could never see him doing. He took his many degrees including his MDiv and took a pastoral position in downtown Denver. Not the pretty side, but the gritty side.

But that is where he met a man who would become one of the treasures of our time downtown. He is someone that I believe is a beautiful example of a redeemed life. He has had horrible things happen to him. He had been rejected repeatedly. He has lived on the streets in Denver, San Diego and Kansas City. He has also lived in our home.

Today he lives in his own.

It's a testament to the power of friendship. Regardless of the good and bad times over these seven years, Todd has refused to walk away. He refused to believe anything other that what this man could become.

He is far from perfect. Or even easy to love at times. But so am I and so are you.

This weekend he is easy to love. This weekend Todd and our friend are celebrating recovery and friendship; and a future redeemed. He is treating Todd to a trip to Kansas City so they can attend a Chiefs game - the team he is passionate for. They have been planning it for months. He paid for the airplane tickets, the hotel, the car, the meals. He is a man with means because he has learned to be wise with his money; he has been faithful to a job in a difficult environment with little encouragement; he is seeing himself in a new way.

Two friends. Celebrating life. And a bit of BBQ.

I'm hoping for a win tomorrow.

Welcome Fall (Goodbye Summer)

I know there are four seasons each year, but for some reason I tend to break the year into thirds. It's probably because it can keep snowing into May in Colorado. But my four-month groupings are January through April - winter; May through August - summer; September through December - fall/Christmas.

I know. I left out spring. In Colorado, spring is hit or miss. This year it was a miss. We went right from winter to summer. I have no idea why I think of the year in thirds, but I do. These are the transition points in my life. The times I can package and review and then plan for the days ahead.

I'm in that packaging up place. Looking at summer and reflecting. Frankly it was a tough summer. Todd transitioned out of inner city ministry and waited. We waited on "next." I was sick most of the summer and in my tough-to-diagnosis illness I was miserable and lonely.

This summer was all about transition. Leaving behind and living hopeful. Always hopeful.

So now we are in September and I can feel the pull into autumn and the holiday season (well, not that just yet). I'm hopeful for cooler days. I'm hopeful that life will become cooler as well.

I don't know what you do in transition - whether it's simply the seasonal kind or the tough as nails kind that has you keeling like you're adrift at sea - but I clean, and ponder, and clean some more, and ponder some more.

The cleaning is all about control. I know this from experience. I've been doing it since I was a child. When life seems out-of-my-control I reach for something to regain my grip. Cleaning. Simple as that. Yet there was more to it this time...I was drowning in stuff collected. Cleaning has become more like purging. A possessions cleanse. It's just as unpleasant as fasting. Denial. Letting go.

And then there is the pondering. Here's what I'm thinking about:

• How can I apprehend more and more of grace? I am realizing more and more that grace is everything. I have a tendency to strive for perfection. Truth be told its my cheap attempt at protecting myself from being hurt. I can tell you it doesn't work but that hasn't stopped me from trying. And I feel inordinately frustrated that at 53 I am not better. Seriously. When does a person stop struggling with the same issues? I might as well be 15 some days. But as I have pondered grace I am realizing it is everything. My personal improvement projects are a drop in the bucket; by grace alone I will cross that finish line. 
• What does a real friend look like? Oh so much pondering on friendship this summer. What I am looking for, and in, friends in my life? What am I offering others in friendship? I have spent so much of my adult life working ridiculous hours and top that off with introvert tendencies, well it makes for a mess when it comes to friends. I don't want a tone of friends (well actually I do), but I want rich real friends; friends I can be myself with; friends where they initiate as often as I do; friends who check in when you withdraw. For many reason, I am deep into pondering this potent topic.
• What is going on inside of me that I have so much "stuff" and that apparently I keep buying more? Ah, this is a tough one. There are patterns I am seeing in my life that are not acceptable to me when it comes to stuff. Time to reduce and plan for than next stage of life that will have us downsizing just about everything. And while I'm in a state of purge, I'm also considering what heart-issues have propelled me to "need" so much stuff. And I know the stuff is about something that has less to do with their intended purpose, and more to do with a gaping hole in my heart. Ouch. So much more pondering to do on this one.
• What does it mean to live a life of generosity? I want to be defined by generosity. Not just money and stuff, but generosity of spirit and heart. A person who generously forgives and gives second (and third and fourth) chances; who generously gives time; who generously shares talent and capability. It is the opposite of grudges and bitterness and hurt feelings - those tend to be things that withhold and hold tight. Generosity is expansive. I have been given much and I want a life defined by generosity.

So now I enter September. Still pondering, still cleaning, still pruning and purging. It is all purposeful. It is all hopeful. 

Welcome fall...I want gratitude to define this season. I hope it does in your as well.

Facebook Collecting and Other Misadventures Online

First a disclaimer: I realize that everyone has a different approach and perspective to Facebook so no hate mail. I respect that and have used/engaged with Facebook in an evolving way as well. This is just about some of my own reflection from this summer and my journey to redefining Facebook's place in my life. 

It was seven years ago when I signed up and created my Facebook profile. I did it deliberately but with reservation. I did it because I was a pastor's wife who was working full-time, raising a child, and trying to connect with a high-need congregation that was about 45 minutes away. I wanted to be involved, to be present when I could not actually be there in the flesh.

I believe I started well. Facebook was for friends, not for work associates. LinkedIn was for business; Facebook was personal.

Somewhere along the way I think I lost my way. Thousands if not millions of potential friends joined Facebook since my first status post was written. It was fun to "connect" with friends and acquaintances; new and old, including those from 30 years back in a pre-Internet world.

I watched others have friend lists that topped 1,000. It was a great broadcasting platform for them. I have friends that are single minded in their posted; they are passionate about a certain topic and FB is a great broadcast media for them. I have other friends who link their Twitter feed with FB so there are a lot of short and sweet posts.

At my most generous, I had probably 460 "friends." And I really tried and wanted to be a friend - high interaction with all they posted. It was a daily ritual to get on FB - peruse the latest in the world of my diverse circle of friends from all walks and seasons of my life.

This past year I confess to experiencing, well, hurt feelings from my cadre of Facebook friends. I began to suspect that in fact I was part of some obligatory FB friend collection because regardless of what I posted ( lost job, illness, etc.) they never post a comment or interacted in any way.

Was I hidden or no longer on their feed? Was it something I said? Was it something I had done?

Ouch, it was starting to feel very much like rejection. Okay, I think I have reentered high school!! Yep my expectations had changed. And I think the real thing was, I actually needed/wanted friends.

Now I know that everyone has different FB habits, motivations and expectations. I accept and applaud that - but am hoping it is deliberate. I think it's important that we access how social media impacts the quality of and even nature of our relationships.

So once I was able to reconcile all those crazy emotions, I realized I am no longer impressed with Facebook friending in my life. It's a shortcut to the real thing; a counterfeit of the real thing: real interaction. At some point I simply wanted more than Facebook could give. I wanted real friends.

If I were to gauge friendship by Facebook over the past six to nine months, I think I have three friends (thank you my unnamed friends, you know who you are!). I have never been someone who collected friends. Regardless of what I may appear I am an introvert living a very extroverted life. I'm a deep with a few versus expansive with many.

So the net, net is that two weeks ago, I trimmed my Facebook "friends" by 25 percent. I suspect I will cut it even further in the future. I want to focus my attention on people that I actually have relationships with or those that I want to stay in touch with over the miles (whether they are active on FB or not).  In fact, I am convinced that the 100 people I cut don't even know I cut them; I think I was part of their collection but we really didn't have any real relationship. Again we all have a FB personality type, mine is simply changing.

I considered getting off altogether. That is certainly a choice. But I love connecting with family in Europe and throughout the US; I enjoy seeing my friends' pictures and reveling in their vacations; and I love keeping dialed in throughout the day to the two loves of my life whom I life with. Truth be told I love the birthday alert!

So for now, I will continue dealing with the tension this personal yet impersonal channel affords.

I have much more I could say about Facebook; so much I love about being able to create an awesome news feed that I can customize based on my clients and interests. In fact the news feed function is the one I spend the most time with at this point. I love following my favorite bloggers via FB.

But friends, well I want a strong emphasis with face-to-face or over the phone or via text, or even via Facebook chat. I want real engagement. Pure and simple.

I'll have more on this topic - friendship - in the coming days. It's been such a great thing to explore and be deliberate about. Friendship is worth it; worth the effort.

The Power of Words

It's been one year since I was thrust into ranks of the unemployed. Honestly, it wasn't something I wanted (geez, who does!), but per usual I have had a great year in spite of it.

From the moment the words were delivered by a Weber Shandwick President and a New York-based human resources Vice President (yes, they needed to fly in and do it as a pair apparently), I had an unworldly confidence that what was happening was ordered by One who has my best interest in mind. She meant it for harm, but another would use it for good.

But words hurt. It was personal. She wanted me gone.

To be fair, I have also been the one to deliver those words to people I deeply respected and valued, and to those frankly I couldn't wait to see leave the organization. I suspect there are people today that still bear me ill-will for firing or laying them off.

Words.

One year later I learned again the power of words. I have loved my part-time consulting business. I love my career again. Being layed off reconnected me to what I do very well and what I thoroughly enjoy doing. But I need to work a bit more than I am, so I reached out to former colleagues and clients (and some current colleagues and clients!), humbled myself (yikes), and asked for some Linkedin recommendations to help me in securing some additional business.

Wow. I was humbled to ask for help, but I have been more humbled by the words written. Never underestimate the power of words to recalibrate something deep within us.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

Thank you friends who wrote such amazing words. Thank you for reminding me the power of words.

Pause...for Love

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive
through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

(Thank you Homestead Survival ... and Patty Stone...for this story)

Be the one to BE the one

Thank you Robin for this great post...

“To live a life alone with God does not mean that we live it apart from everyone else. The connection between godly men and women and those associated with them is continually revealed in the Bible….” ~ Oswald Chambers

Having been plucked out of my comfort zone to land in a place that has taken a while to regain my equilibrium, God has me in a position to listen and learn. I’m thrilling to this experience of new country and culture, but I’m equally thankful to see personal things I’ve been missing for years. God is gently revealing my blindspots; change is unavoidable.

I’m learning to appreciate the women in my life in new ways.

Don’t miss that key word–appreciate. It is much too easy to take for granted those you love; I’m challenged to become more intentional in expressing my appreciation to others.

One of the best ways I can think of to actionize my appreciation (OH YES I just made up a word! Bam!) is by initiating acts of friendship. Don’t we all appreciate it when someone else is the first one to extend a gesture of friendship? So I’m asking you to join me in getting better at being the one to initiate. Especially because that person you’re thinking about doing something for is possibly desperately needing you to reach out.

Are you willing to be the one to BE the one?

Here are a few ideas to get you started; I’d love to hear your suggestions for how we can practically speak friendship and love into the lives of those very real people in our lives!

22 Acts of Friendship

1. Start with yourself. It isn’t irony that prompts me to encourage self evaluation; discovering more about how and why I’ve related to others the way I do is the first step to me addressing my blind spots and becoming the better friend I’d like to become.
2. Pray. While I don’t want to over-spiritualize practicality, praying is also first-step friendship initiation. Prayer should be two-fold: asking God to give you a sensitive heart, communion with Him to heal your own wounds, and discernment to pursue healthy friendships; and seeking God to have the eyes to see those who need your friendship and to prepare their hearts to receive it.
3. Forgive. If you’re holding a grudge or have become embittered towards a friend, you do not have a choice; you must extend forgiveness. With both hands clutched tightly to Christ, believe more than He can heal your shattered pieces; trust that He can redeem and restore what was broken and lost. Dear lovie, there is always something good you can take away from painful circumstance. It will make you a better friend to others if you let it.
4. Be persistent. When you take the bold step to initiate friendship, rejection can be hard; don’t let it hinder you from trying again. Yes, while you might become “the one who always initiates,” you might be the only person willing to pursue someone who needs pursuing. And sometimes she’s the last person you suspect needs pursuing….
5. Extend grace. When you consider the incomprehensible sacrifice that God extends to his children through Jesus, it seems reasonable that we should lavish grace on one another. Imagine how your relationships might change if you give the benefit of doubt rather than suspect the worst?
6. Show up when you know there’s a need. One of the most indelible acts of friendship in my life arrived on my doorstep. With our impending out-of-state move looming, Michelle showed up with cleaning supplies in hand. When I answered her knock, “Put me to work” were the first words out of her mouth. That was so much better than a vague “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
7. Pick up the phone and call. Never have we been more connected, yet paradoxically, increasingly isolated. Do not email or text or even Skype–just call! You’ll be a rarity among your friends and your voice (i.e. your interest, effort, intention) will register as important to the receiver.
8. Mail snails. You know how you feel when you receive a pretty “thinking of you” card or note instead of junk mail or bills? Imagine committing to sending one out a week; at the end of the year, 52 people would have been encouraged by your thought. Always act on that prompt! One time I received a letter from someone I hadn’t seen in years, and it was a life-giving answer to prayer.
9. Shower your friends with surcies or little love gifts. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to give a small but meaningful gift; my favorite example to explain this concept is when my college roommate bought me the good, soft tissues when I had a cold and was using dorm toilet paper to blow my nose. Her thoughtfulness spoke love so deeply I’ve remembered the gesture for decades. Shocking is the beauty in a roadside bouquet of (free) wildflowers! (Thank you, God.) Thoughtfulness is always the gift.
10. Babysit for free. If you know someone who needs a break, give 2-3 hours so they can run errands, see a movie, walk in the park without wiping noses or behinds or tying shoes!
11. Be fully present. When you’re together, leave your phone behind. If that isn’t practical (i.e., your children’s school might call), resist the urge to do anything related to social media.
12. Listen actively. This, in part, goes with #11, but rather than anticipate your response let your friend speak until they’re done. If you pay attention you’ll notice how often people cut one another off mid-sentence.
13. Double a recipe. Whether your baking cookies, simmering soup or making a casserole, be intentional about making enough to share every once in a while. Then phone a friend, tell them you were thinking about her, and drop it off. We often do a great job of preparing meals in time of need, but why not do so “just because”?
14. Drop in for a quick visit. Now, before you strike this one off your list, give it a chance (~smile~). If you’re in a friend’s neighborhood, why don’t you throw caution to the wind, knock on her door, hug her neck, and tell her you were just thinking about her. If she invites you in, great; if she doesn’t, her house is probably a disaster zone (which all most of us have experienced before). Assure her you aren’t staying but you wanted to let her know how you felt. It will leave a loving impression.
15. Trade shoes. When you find yourself making judgments against or frustrated with a friend’s actions, train yourself to consider what prompted her choices. Remember, you only know part of her story, she’s likely a master at hiding her pain.
16. Tell the truth. Be the friend who tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I can receive constructive criticism if it’s shrouded in love and I KNOW the person cares enough about me to say hard things.
17. Bite your tongue. Stop gossiping about others behind their backs unless it’s to praise their walk, their works or their womanhood. Make your goal to be the person whom it can be said of, “I’ve never heard her talking about anyone else.”
18. Don’t take it personally. Seek and develop healthy friendships that allow room for dissenting opinions. I recently joined others in a spirited but respectful conversation about a very controversial topic; I left the conversation unmoved in my position but having high regard for those who offered an intelligent, mature discussion on the matter.
19. Look for middle ground. Wonderful advice offered to me years ago from a pastor’s wife has helped me time and time again: When you find yourself in the center of a “fight,” even if you’re certain you’re “right,” realize there’s your side of the story, there’s her side of the story…and the truth lies somewhere in between.
20. Sharpen. Be intentional about becoming a Proverbs 27:17 friend.
21. Set a standard. Goodness–if we all lived Ephesians 4:29-32, we’d all truly be THE BFF!
22. Support. When my father passed away a few years ago, I was deeply touched by those who traveled hours to attend his funeral, people who never met him but loved me. At my daughter’s high school graduation, I couldn’t believe the friends who came to a party we hosted for her. It taught me to support my friends by attending the important events in their lives…the good and the not so good.

Dare to be the one to BE the one!