The Beast

He's big, dark and overpowering. I knew him as a child and teenager and young adult. He was a constant presence. But then I vanquished him out of my house.

He has returned. He is again my companion.

Depression. He has returned. Not his smaller brother Bummed Out. No this is the older brother Depression. At times it has felt like he was sitting on top of my chest; hanging on my back; making me drag him everywhere. Oppressive.

I know he will tire of me; or me him. And somehow he will leave. I hope sooner than later.

I know he hates exercise. So I am exercising.
I know he hates real food. So I am eating wisely.
I know he hates compassion. So I am getting together with friends.
I know he hates truth. So I am reading the Bible and talking back to him.
I know he hates forgiveness. So I am trying to forgive those who have hurt me.
I know he hates grace. So I am working to extend that to others when their decisions have made a big impact on my well being.
I know he hates peace. So I am pressing myself to live in a manna rhythm that focuses on today and not tomorrow.
I know he hates hope. So I am choosing hope in spite of my feelings.
I know he hates contentment. So I am learning gratitude.
I know he hates generosity. So I am giving stuff away.
I know he wants me to stay silent. So I am writing and inviting others in.